A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...
JAR WARS
Alexander William Trombetta was born on the 18th of September 1990.
He was the first born to Margeret, and we suspect Dominic. He grew up in a poverty stricken world where each meal he thought would be his last. Because clothes were sparse, he had to grow a thick woollen layer to insulate himself. the remaining evidence is his extremely hairy nipples. He was the first of 27 boys, although only five remain today, as they were put through a deathmatch so only the fittest would survive.
Here is a picture of Alex's family (captured before the deathmatch)
He constantly fought off wild animals to scrimmage up enough to eat to survive.
Alex constantly had to fight off his brothers to claim the treat of his one cookie per month, but the constant attck of the cookie jar resulted in many feuds between alex and his brothers.
His primary school years are an absolute mystery. All that is known is that he spent his years developing in football and basketball, to become the up and coming star he is today.
He started his high school years in the ATP (Amazingly and super intelligent, wonderful talented genius people) class. This is where he created the foundations of the supergroup the 'Landa Boys' with his equally talented partner in crime, Brock James Monck. Together they pulled many stunts, and made many people the "victim of their mockery".
But one day in S+E class scenes unfolded that were reminscient of a Jerry Springer show. 3 against 1, he was greatly outnumbered in muscle, intelligence and looks. True to Trombetta fighting style, he went down swinging(and biting and pinching and scratching and eye-gouging). It started when Domini(Timone's partner in crime), took a simple friendly game of keepy-off too far. not knowing the game was over, she tried to outmuscle alex(and nearly succeeded) by using her brute force. Alex didnt take kindly to this sequence of events, and responded with a jaw-shattering backhand to the jaw. This incident left Domini bloodied and vomiting, also feeling faint, and craving some donuts. Mr Jim Head(known by kelly as head-jobby-job) told the class to hush and regain their seats, as domini was rushed to the abbotoirs.
He conquered many women over his high school days. He was only able to seduce our dwarf friend hayley, for one day however. Of his many conquests, the taming of the 'Bat' is one for the ages. words cannot describe her beauty, which is why we have a picture.
He enjoyed many pleasuable times with batty, and one stint that he stated was the best 30 mins of his life. (apart from one 8 second ordeal)
Due to an undeniably angry force in the room, not much can be said about his conquest of Morgan Riley.(Twice)
His mind often wandered when thinking about who to conquer next, and to everyones surprise, it was the drama teacher, he took a liking to.
He often raised eyebrows with his antics in the sporting arena. His cheap style of play and dirty tactics are often on display. His go to move remains throwing the ball in to the face of unsuspecting opponents, and eye gouging. we are lucky enough to have caught both moves whilst in action.
His brilliance on the sporting field is constantly overlooked. A star for Saints, he took his game to new heights whilst playing for busselton. 2006 saw him take out Best and Fairest for the under 16's in football, then his encore was taking out both the club best and fairest, and the mail medal in 2007, amidst playing regularly for East Perth Football Club. In 2007 he also captained his basketball team to the premiership. With a strong performance throughout the season and in the grand final, where he dished out at least 15 assists. Country week in 2007 saw him raise his game to a level, not acheived yet by mankind. Despite maybe not racking up the most votes, he was rated by peers as the most valuable player on the team, and possibly in the tournament. But his fiery temper on the football feild saw him in many smish'es throughout the season, one of which he introduced the Trombetta fighting style to the game, where he punches with the side of his fist. This resulted in his fist being broken, due to a lack of kahuna's. This was the first of many football injuries, as now he is a very injury prone young man.
An alluring person, alex often uses his spaghetti aroma to lure women into bed, of which one time he accidentally served up a strong dose to Kelly Duthie. We wont go in to detail, but the events that went down that night were reminiscient of alex's favourite movie- Brokeback Mountain.
He has held many nicknames over the years, one of which is "the dealer".
He also claimed that we should call him "the one". But this just set him up to be renamed "the one, inch penis". This was later confirmed when he suffered a possible allergic reaction to latex, where some serious shrinkage occurred, witnessed by emma poppa's when she was givin him a lil some'n some'n.
So although this may be the end of the story, of Alex's life, it is merely the beginning.
And so we wait for the next chapter of Al's life to unfold, all we can say is good luck, and good night.
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